90 pounds

Weight went down to 90 late May. I kept getting injured at work and took forever to heal. I kept missing meals because I was so afraid that not counting my calories would put too much weight on. My arthritis flared up and I could barely walk. I gained a few pounds in June with Ensure and endless eating (boyfriend, friends and family were concerned). Three pounds! So revolting, I thought. I drank myself silly a few times, hated the social repercussions and stopped. And then I lost those three pounds. Back at 90 and feel fat still. Stress at work, in relationships and at school intensified. Guess I'm a masochist and don't want to be happy after all.