Well I've forced myself to eat more the past week and didn't let my business be an excuse to not eat. But this made that manic energy I had the previous week disappear and now I feel the exhaustion from head to toe. It is so tempting to not eat because I feel better when I don't eat. Eventually it catches up with me, but when I don't eat much on a consistent basis, it takes months for me to feel the pain and exhaustion. When I starve a few weeks then eat again, I feel drained. I have less energy when I consume mnore energy. I believe this is because my body is confused and trying to repair the damage done.
I want to fight my desire to starve, but starving seems so appealing right now. It is like a shot of adrenaline, like pure oxygen. It is euphoric. Without it I feel listless and depressed. Of course, I'll feel that all the time if I get deeper into the anorexia.
The weather is turning cold which is really bad--I have little insulation to fight the cold. My joints get super stiff and it takes me several hours to move freely when the weather is in the high 60s or cooler. I live in a very temperate region--it doesn't snow and rarely gets cooler than 50 degrees during the day. I'm geographically lucky because even these mild winters are hell. I feel and move like I'm ninety rather than 29.
Ugh, this post is a downer. Guess I'm kind of depressed right now because one of my pets is very ill and she is getting put down tuesday. I've had her 10 years.
I need some good news, like starving is actually good for your health :) Yeah, I wish.
Toodles
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