Today I've been very good, if you ask my anorexia. I've consumed 580 calories and 2 grams of fat, I've exercised 2 hrs (including some super-grueling circuit training, did loads of chin-ups and push-ups and back flips and sit-up and ran between each station like a maniac). I really should exercise more. . .
BUT!! This is NOT what I wanted when I woke up--I wanted to be a human being today, not an anorexic. I didn't even weigh myself this morning. WTF????
I think I look really ugly when I'm underweight, I hate the way I don't feel, I hate the OCD (all the stupid counting, the meaningless rituals which really get time-consuming when I'm not eating enough). I think I'm meaner, less intelligent and less creative and I LOATHE ANOREXIA I FUCKING HATE IT.
So why is it still here inside me?
There are so amny wonderful things I could be doing and I wasted a lot of time stuck in my rituals, stuck in my head. I feel like a zombie today. I feel I'm stuck again.
The anorexic part can't wait to get home and weigh in.
I need an exorcism!!
The power of Christ compels you, anorexia, get the fuck out of me.
Sorry for the vulgarity, if anyone is reading, I normally don't talk like that.
Cheers.
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